Where Have I Been?
Missing, That's Where, In Every Sense of the Word and There's a Soup for That!
Welcome friends!
I know, its been a while! It is so good to be back with you!
Monday September 26th, 2022
Where Have I Been? Seriously, Where?
Yesterday was the first day that I didn’t write one word for my Substack Newsletter, since its inception April 5th 2022, with the exception of a two week summer break that I allowed myself to take in July. For two weeks, I pushed and pushed, writing day and night, to get my Nine Inch Nails story finished by my Friday, September 23rd deadline, to coincide with their reunion concert in Cleveland, Ohio the next day.
Unable to make my Friday deadline, I gave up at four o’clock in the morning and slept until 9am, waking Ari in a rush to get him to his Saturday Hurling training, only to find that I’d taken him to the wrong pitch, because I misread the schedule. Back at home, I made some coffee, sat down at my desk and jumped right back into my writing, with a sense of panic and a goal, that it had to be published before I went to bed.
Looking out the window, I saw that Ari had dug out two sets of golf clubs from our closet and was carrying them over to a grassy field nearby, with a few of the neighbor boys in tow. I envisioned broken windows and injuries relating to swinging golf clubs, so I hurried to the door and screamed for him to return home.
Ari was angry and the lads were disappointed. They begged me to come and watch them, so they could prove to me that they weren’t gonna hit the balls too hard or far. I said I couldn’t and I apologized as I hurried to bring the clubs back inside. But then, I heard them mocking me a bit, saying ‘I can’t, I’m a writer’ and ‘I can’t, I’ve got a deadline! My deadline, my deadline!’
I poked my head out of the door, “Is that what I sound like?” I asked.
Ari answered, “You never do anything with us anymore!” The other boys agreed and cited some examples…lots of them, actually!
So, the next day I rounded up the lads and took them to the driving range at East Cork Golf Club, enlisting two other moms to help with transportation, as the 2 or 3 cab drivers in our town do not work till after 5pm on Sundays! And yes, I still find minor inconveniences like this, part of the charm of Ireland!
It was a bit challenging at first with so many beginners. Before I even set my golf bag down, I heard the loud bang of a golf ball hitting a wall hard, then ricochetting through the bays, wizzing past surprised and scared looking faces. When it stopped abruptly, everyone looked around, confused and laughing nervously, none of us knowing where the ball came from. That is, until Shay O’Sullivan, appeared in the corridor with fear in his eyes and a golf club in his hand. He confessed to Almighty God and to all of us golfers, that it was him, and that it was the first time he ever swung a club and that he had no idea it would go sideways into the wall! He said he was sorry and I was so proud to claim him as one of mine!
We moved far away from the end wall, and I set the boys up sharing two bays, so I could keep an eye on them and give them some instruction. Some were eager to learn, some just wanted to figure it out on there own, but they all did really well. They surprised themselves, which was lovely to watch and they cheered each other’s success.
Ari cheered me on in a moment that felt surreal. When I took my first practice swing, he shushed his friends and signaled for them to watch me, as if he expected great things. With all that pressure, I managed to hit the ball far and straight and the boys erupted behind me with roaring applause. Ari’s face was beaming with pride, a definite improvement from the looks he had been giving me since arriving to that empty GAA pitch!
And here I was, thinking I was sacrificing something to be with them. Oh, what I’ve been missing! The irony is not lost on me, that in spending all my time writing about what I’ve learned from living, I am not living what I’ve learned!
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” -Buddha
So, taking my cue from Shay O’Sullivan, I must confess to Almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters, that it was foolish of me to promise to “…take you inside the Sharon Tate house, where Nine Inch Nails recorded The Downward Spiral and then over to Andrew Dice Clay’s old apartment, where Drew Carey was super excited to be living at the time!” as I did at the close of my last newsletter.
I failed, in what I have done and what I have failed to do! My intention was to simply write about the time my boyfriend and I were invited to stay with Nine Inch Nails in the Hollywood Hills house, where Sharon Tate (who was eight and a half months pregnant) and four others were murdered in 1969, by several followers of Charles Manson. Without delving too deeply into the details, I was going to lighten up the piece, by mentioning our visit with Drew Carey that followed, and end on a high note. It became obvious rather quickly, that these murders could not be glossed over.
I began writing this story, because I thought it was important and I thought parts of it were a little bit funny, but I wondered quite seriously, if I would be glorifying violence. While I admit, that I thought it was neat or cool that I got to experience staying at that house, my more mature self sees things differently.
Unfortunately, I began to question everything, including my own motives and a daily struggled ensued. Mostly, I struggled because there was a ton of backstory that needed to be told, and characters to be introduced, like Paul Michael, my musician boyfriend of seventeen years, who was the reason we were there and the reason the story is important.
Also, because I needed to reacquaint myself with the Manson Family and the horrific murders that occurred there, and my research took me to very dark places, consuming me at times, swallowing me up whole, where I could think of nothing else.
Ok, it hasn’t been this bad, but clearly, I have lost some balance in my life trying to tackle such a huge and heavy story in two weeks time! While I haven’t exactly turned into Jack Torrance in The Shining, researching the gory details of these murders, has definitely taken its toll on me, mentally, physically and spiritually.
I relived the horrors in a way that affected me much differently than they had in my early 20’s, before I knew what it was to be an expectant mother. Images of Charles Manson and his followers filled my head in the daytime, and sweet visions of Sharon Tate appeared in my dreams at night.
In one dream, the ominous looking trees were gone from the Cielo Drive home, replaced with a swing set and several children’s toys scattered about the lawn. I could see Sharon, her white cotton sundress and golden hair blowing in the breeze, lovingly pushing her baby boy on a swing. The images of joy playing out like a home movie from the 70’s, with Roman Polanski coming up behind his wife and hugging her, before playing Peek-a-Boo with his son. I remember waking to what I thought was Sharon saying, “Remember me like this!”
But, wide awake, back at my desk, the facts of her brutal murder are undeniable. I am surrounded by them, my desk is buried in them, scribbled notes, printed articles, paragraphs written on my laptop. They cannot be undone by a silly dream or a reimagined movie by Quentin Tarantino, sadly. And so I grieve, as I should have done 30 years ago, when I first learned of them.
It is never too late!
I will right the ship. I will find my balance. I will publish my NIN Newsletter. But for now…now I will make soup, some much needed soup!
This soup clears the mind, recharges the body and revives the soul!
Tastebuds Reboot Soup
This wasn’t on the menu, I made it for my staff when I thought we could all use it!
Makes 12 servings (freezes well!)
Ingredients:
1 Whole Chicken cut up or I like to do 4 Chicken Quarters (leg and thigh intact)
3 Quarts Cold Water or nearly 3 liters
1 Tablespoons Vegeta (highly recommend, but not essential)
4-6 Tablespoons Olive Oil Divided
4 Stalks of Celery Chopped
1 Large Onion or 1 medium Leek Chopped
3 Large Carrots Diced
5-6 Cloves of Garlic Chopped
1 Small or Half of a medium to large Head of Green Cabbage Quartered, Cored and Sliced Thinly
1 Cube Chicken Bouillon or 1 Tablespoon Base (Minors Chicken Base is best)
Salt and Pepper
For Garnish:
1 Bunch Chopped Cilantro
2 Limes cut into 6 Wedges each
Sriracha to Taste
Rinse chicken and place in large stock pot and cover with 3 quarts cold water. Add 1 tablespoon of Vegeta and a one teaspoon of salt, and bring to a boil (skim the impurities off the top periodically and discard). Turn down heat slightly and simmer for 40 minutes.
In the meantime, heat a large sauté pan (medium-high heat), then add 1-2 tablespoons olive oil (just enough to lightly coat base of pan). When oil is hot, add celery and onion and cook till onion starts to get translucent, around 6 minutes.
Add the carrots and garlic and season with salt and pepper. Sauté till fragrant, then set aside in bowl. Cool and clean pan carefully with a paper towel if necessary, then add another tablespoon or so oil to pan and sauté cabbage, in two batches if necessary, just until it starts to get the slightest bit of color, and season lightly.
Remove chicken from pot (After 40 minutes) and let cool on platter. Skim the impurities, and add the chicken bouillon or base. Stir well to dissolve, then add all of the vegetables and simmer for another 20 minutes.
When chicken is cool enough, shred with forks or fingers, being sure to disregard skin, bones and cartilage. Then return to pot, simmer just long enough to heat the chicken back up, adjust the seasoning, then serve.
Serve with garnishes, cilantro, lime and sriracha on the side.
Enjoy!!!
Thank You for Being Here My Friend!
This story is crucial to my memoir, because it represents for me, the moment I stood up, in the wagon that I had hitched to my musician boyfriend, and climbed into the driver’s seat. It was the first and most necessary step, in the extraordinary life that followed.
There is so much to say about all of this and it is going to take me a bit longer to finish. I want you to know, I take my commitment to my free and paid subscribers very seriously. Please be patient with me!
Thank You!
Cheers!
Bridget